Getting soaked: How to wash clothes?

We humans, equipped with a highly developed brain, have the tendency to make the simplest of things complicated and the already complicated things even more complicated. This is sometimes achieved by leaving out essential details while a few other times, the same is achieved through an overdose of details, unnecessary and trivial. There is never a balance between providing the necessary details and ignoring the unnecessary. One remarkable area where this can be observed is the cluster of interconnected computers- the internet, where everyone have a space of their own.

The highly technical and knowledgeable minds share their wisdom with others assuming that people consuming the knowledge are as intelligent as they are. Every line share evokes a hundred clarification threads on forms and a thousand comments on the page. 

And then, we have yet another group of people who always wish to share more and more atleast in terms of quantity. They write on every trivial topic. They share with the world how the shoe is to be polished, how the door is to be locked and even how one can trim their nails. Details are expanded to a thousand lines which definitely do not serve as a reference but surely humours one on a moody day. And we do have people who read all those fine details for they are even more ignorant than the creators of those marvellous pieces of reference.

You might feel that you are being soaked in a nonsensical discussion but this were the things I was talking with my friend a few days ago, following which we decided to write a highly trivial ‘how to’ article which would stand up as the winner against the backdrop of the existing dump on the web as the most trivial, unnecessary and comical article. 

After a long argument, we finally decided to convey to the ignorant readers how clothes are to be washed. We hoped to mention every trivial detail so that following them line by line, even a robot embedded with artificial intelligence would be able to wash clothes. A bucket before being filled with water should be put under the tap and the clothes line should have been set up before drying the clothes out in the sun.

We were struck right at the beginning in deciding the starting step. Should we assume that there are clothes lying in the laundry bag to be washed or if there is a need to soil the clothes so that the reader could follow our tutorial? What we concluded as the best solution for that moment was to adapt our tutorial in a way that would be applicable to a larger audience using a number of if’s and else’s.  Here is what we had written and drawn too...

How to wash your clothes

Things required: clothes to be washed, detergent, soap bar, brush, bucket, water

What if I do not have any clothes to be washed?

Learning shouldn’t be hindered by the lack of resources. Take a few brand new clothes and apply a paste of mud and water until they appear to have played cricket in the outdoors for a long time.

What should be the optimum size of the bucket?

It would be much easier for you to approximate the size of the bucket required than go for exact calculations. If you are unable to do it or if your intuition isn’t providing the right guidance, you can use the following formula.

Where y is number of garments to be washed which have a total surface area greater than 374cm².

What if water supply at my location is erratic?

Clothes may get spoilt if they are washed and left for long without rinsing in water. Store four to five buckets of water so that you’d not get into troubles later on.

Step 1: Preparing the clothes

Most often, people wash the clothes with notes and important papers left in the pockets of shirts and pants. To ensure that you do not regret later on for losing valuable things, double check the pockets.

Step 2: Adding detergent to water

Place the bucket under the water tap and open it. Close the tap when half of the bucket gets filled. Add a spoon or two of detergent to the water and gently stir the water with your hand..

How high should the tap be?

The pressure with which water enters the bucket doesn’t affect the process of washing the clothes. You can choose a tap which is as low as the bucket or as high as the shower overhead.

I only have a well ion well. What should I do?

You can use water from the well too. There is as such no difference between the water coming through the tap from the overhead tank and the water drawn from the well. You should infact be proud that you are saving a lot of electricity that would have been used to drive water to the tank from the underground reservoirs.

What should be the size of the spoon?

If you have this question in your mind, then I would suggest you to use a physical balance to weigh exactly 3.49 grams of the detergent.

Step 3: Put the clothes in water

Put the clothes into the bucket which was filled with water and ensure that not a single inch of a garment is dry.

I have a few clothes which are water proof. How do I wet them?

We haven’t thought of that yet. We will include information about it in a later tutorial.

How do I ensure that every inch of the garment has been wetted?

Take each of the garments and spread it on the floor. Examine it using a microscope and your work will be done.

Step 4: Have some fun

Clothes need to be soaked in water for atleast an hour to ensure that the process later on moves smoothly. Go and have some fun and then come back to perform step 5.

What if I have nothing to entertain myself?

You are probably suffering form a psychological problem. I recommend you to consult a psychologist but not at this immediate moment as the clothes shouldn’t be allowed to soak for too long. For now, stare at the bucket, the water and the clothes taking a photograph every one minute. The next time you wash your clothes, try arranging those 60 pictures in the other in which they have been taken.

What if I get lost in entertaining myself?

Better set a remainder in your mobile to avoid it.

Step 5: Washing

Take each garment in your hand and apply pressure from all sides with your hand using the floor as the base. Occasionally apply soap to the garment you are washing. This act is similar to the act of kneading flour before making chapattis.

My hands are not energetic enough. What would you advice?

There are two things that you can do. The first is to drink a highly concentrated solution of glucose and the second is to use a broomstick to help you if your clothes being washed are not delicate fabrics. If they are, then you definitely need to hire a servant to do the job for you.

Step 6: Rinsing

The clothes have to be rinsed in water two to three times so that the soap and detergent get removed from the clothes. Make sure that you use fresh water in each cycle of the rinse.

I find that the clothes are soapy even after rinsing. What do I do?

You must have probably forgotten to fill the bucket with fresh water in each cycle of the rinse. If you are sure that you have done it, simply repeat step 6 till you succeed.

Step 7: Drying

The final step is to dry the clothes under the sun. The ideal pace would be the terrace of your house where you get direct sunlight.

There is probably something wrong in this tutorial. Following the steps for drying word by word, I ended up with clothes which were even more wetter.

You have probably seen a rainbow at the end. Sun and rain is a bad combination for drying just as rain is.

Can I use a microwave oven?

I think that the microwave isn’t generally used for this purpose. You might experiment using it with old clothes and if you are successful, write to us so that we can share the new finding with our readers.

Feeling highly satisfied for creating the perfect ‘how to ‘article, reading which people would get soaked in either laughter or fury, I moved on to refresh myself by taking a bath and going out to enjoy. For some reason, I felt like doing the whole thing with my eyes closed. The bucket was already filled with water, thereby saving me from the ordeal of groping in the artificial darkness for the top. I feel the water to be a descendant of the Ganges.

Later, I knew that it was the consequence of my own unbearable tutorial. A highly educated and sophisticated woman has lost her job in a reputable company for being highly robotic in her tasks sacrificing common sense for the sake of following online how to guides step by step. All of her life was spent in that way. One fine day, an incorrect transfer in the bytes from the server to her computer made Greek like letters appear on the screen. Following another ‘How to learn Greek article’, she decoded the words. Unfortunately, the resulting translation made sense and it was an article on how computers are to be disposed. She blindly followed it and executed it on not just here own system but also the systems of her co-workers.

She believed in the principle of dignity of labour and took up the job of a servant in our house as no other software company was ready to employ her. Being clueless on how the clothes are to be washed, she goggled arriving on my article. She followed it word by word and finally left the soapy water in the bucket itself for nowhere was it mentioned that the water needs to be disposed it. I was soaked in my own play!

It's your turn to clarify any doubts you have. Ask any question that you would like to and we will answer you!

This article has been written for the contest 'Soak No More' on IndiBlogger. If you have liked it, do vote for it here.

Here are some of my other entries for contests on IndiBlogger. Be sure to check them out:

Love Marriages vs Arranged Marriages

Of Love and Marriage: The story of two women